19 Things I Learned at 19.

20 years old. It still tastes funny in my mouth, a mixture of letters I don't quite recognize, a new decade. The beginning of 'your twenties', as those in their 30s, 40s, 50s say... a time full of adventure and mistakes and moments chock full of figuring out who you are in this world. But don't worry, dear, because really no one figures out who they are in the world. You just walk through it and you do the best you can. It's strange knowing that my teenage years are at an end. I would still much rather binge watch an entire TV show on netflix while eating nutella out of a jar than dress in nice clothes and pay my own bills and figure out what 'taxes' means and have to balance a check book. These past few years have altered me in ways that are completely irreversible, but I think that's probably what your teenage years are supposed to do. I have learned so much that I wish I would have known all along, but I also know that it's all a part of the process. The lessons I've learned am learning are not just for the years beginning with "1", but for the years beyond that. I know that in this life, we all make our own mistakes, and that's really okay. We've got a whole lifetime to figure this thing out. Drink that in, friend of mine, let it settle into your bones. No one has this thing figured out, but each day we grow more and more into the people we are supposed to become. Just smile, and try to make the best of it. Here are a few of the things I've learned on my pathway through this life, and maybe they'll help you out sometime. So, here's 19 of the things I've learned in my 19 years.

1. Always ask for help. And then ask for more. And then, probably ask for help again. Nobody has it all together in this world. We like to think that we do, but in reality, we don't. We all have weak points and things that we cannot do on our own. And that's okay. One of the joys of the human heart is to help another, and that goes for others as well. Asking for and accepting help are not weaknesses, but strength in knowing when you can do better with the help of another.

2. The human heart is a fragile, beautiful thing. Treat it as such. Don't let others mess with yours, and you don't mess with others'. Really we are all just trying to move through this world together. Be kind, and help others on their own journeys. Don't put up with people who don't treat you as the valuable person that you are. Know your worth, and protect your heart. Find the balance between vulnerability and brokenness and know when to tread it. It is important to be true to who you are and the innermost parts of what that means, but it is also important to know where the cracks are and how to keep them from growing. It all comes along with knowing yourself and knowing how full of value you are.

3. Sometimes, it's worth doing whatever you're doing at 2am, even though you'll be tired the next day. You'll catch up on sleep.

4. You don't get to choose how I love you. I know how basic and elementary that this sounds but when it finally seeped into my soul, it rocked my world. I've never been much for confrontation, never liked the feeling of knowing that someone out there in the world doesn't like who I am or what I stand for. But I'm learning that you can't please everyone. It's impossible. So, you do what you can and you make it through the world. You don't get a say in the way people choose to show love, and other people don't get a say in how you choose to do the same. You move forward in the best way that you know how, and that's all you can do. Don't let anyone tell you that you're doing it wrong.

5. Hearing and Listening are two vastly different things, and it is rare to find someone who knows the difference between the two. Many people are champions at hearing. Often, they can tell you word for word what you've just said. But it's rare to find a listener... a person who takes what you have to say to heart, who devotes time and attention to the deepest parts of you that you are trying to convey to them. A listener is a person who makes you feel like you are the most important thing in that moment, and that is how listening should be. You are valuable and you deserve to be listened to. Find someone who is willing to listen, not just hear you.

6. Be unequivocally, entirely, wholly you. Don't try to be something that you aren't, no matter what your reasoning is. Be you. There is literally no one else on the entire planet that has the outlook on life that you do. You may find someone who comes close, but you will never find an exact match. You are stripping the world of the ability to have the person that is you in it, and that is not fair to the other people of the world. As for me personally, I want, I need to know who you are. You will shape me on my journey through this life, whether or not you know it. Be you. That's a decision you won't regret. (Unless you are an axe murderer at heart, and then let's have a conversation before you go about being you, alright?)

7. Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend that you are. People won't be able to tell the difference.

8. Stop putting yourself down. It's not attractive, it's demeaning. If you actually see yourself that poorly, you need to get a better mirror. There is so much good in you, things you can't even possibly know yet. See the good in yourself and focus on improving that.  Be confident, because you're awesome. Abso-freaking-lutely awesome. Trust me. I'm an un-biased opinion.

9. This life is full of ordinary days. Play up the special ones. They're special for a reason.

10. Friends are the thing that make this life incredible. They make the happy moments happier and the not so happy moments bearable. When you find someone whose quirks mesh up with yours, hold on to them. They are worth all the world. But know, too, that sometimes friendships aren't meant to be forever. Sometimes friends are for a season. And that's okay, too.

11. Fall in love. Fall in love every single day, over and over and over again. With people. With places. With what you do. With a goal, a job, a star, a flower. Give a piece of yourself to something or someone and let yourself be enthralled by it. Let yourself trust in it. It's so scary sometimes and you may very well get hurt but do it anyway because love is what makes this whole entire thing worth it. Love and love and love and love until you think that you can't love anymore and then love again. I promise you with all I am that it will be the best and most wonderful part of your time here.

12. You're going to have to try. 98% of good things in this world don't come without at least a bit of effort. When you've worked for something, it makes it much sweeter anyway. Don't confuse this as a contradiction of #1. It isn't. Learn the difference between the two.

13. Always read the book before you see the movie. It makes the experience a thousand times better.

14. You define who you are. Savor the sweetness that resides in the depth of those words. You. Define. Who. You. Are. No one else gets a say. You know the type of person you are, and you know where you stand. You may make mistakes, and you may lose people, and they may walk away with the wrong idea of who you are in their minds. But that idea that they have is not you. You get to decide who that is. And it may change from moment to moment, the definition you create. It may be adapted a million times over before you think you've gotten it right, and then it will probably change all over again after that. Rest in that, though. Decide who you want to be, and become that person. You get to do that.

15. Your past is just a story. It only has as much power as you give it. There's substance to the saying of you don't get to choose where you come from, but you do get to choose where you go from here.

16. You're gonna get hurt. Probably more than once. But this world is such an incredible place. And there are people out there that love you infinitely. And you're a good thing in someone's life. And if you just keep going, eventually the pain does become less and less. It will take time, and that part is no fun, but just wait it out. You're worth the effort it will take you to keep moving forward. Promise.

17. Laugh as much as possible. You look better when you smile.

18. Take time to slow down a little bit. Life can be exhausting at 180 miles per hour 24/7. Take time to do the things you love- you love them for a reason. Put people first, and that includes yourself. Learn to say no sometimes... it really is okay to stay in on a Friday night and watch a movie in the comfort of your pj pants. Look at all the beautiful things around you and breathe them in. Don't let the whirlwind of things make life pass you by. Savor it.

19. Be all there. If there is anything that you remember from this rambling list of things I am discovering about the amazing place we call life, please let it be this: Wherever you are, be all there. Show up for people. Let them see their importance reflected in your eyes. Put the phone away. Bring your mind back to the very second you are living in. Because we are in the middle of the good old days and trust me, you don't want to miss them.


I'm not really awesome at most of these yet. But I'm learning. This world is an incredible place full of beauty and laughter and people and love. I'm so thankful to have had the chance to experience it for 20 years. Here's to a new decade full of new experiences!

All my love,

-S.