Believe in Beautiful.

Our world is obsessed with mirrors. They are literally everywhere we turn and if you are anything like me, you almost feel obligated to look into one every time you pass by. And if it isn't a mirror, it's an add. They are on the sides of bus stops and billboards every hundred yards as we pass on the interstate and even in restaurant menus. We are constantly being bombarded with images, both of ourselves and of these 'ideal' celebrities and models, and it's only natural that we begin to compare the two. People are constantly looking in mirrors and a vast majority will tell you that they are dissatisfied with what they see. I really want to change that.

Body image issues are a thing that plague the world around us in a very real way. Everyone is constantly assaulted with images of things and people that they are supposed to find desirable. And when the image they see reflecting back at them as they pass a store window doesn't match up with the image on the billboard, then people start to believe that they are not good enough. And that assumption goes far deeper than that of physical appearance.

People are literally dying to be thin.

There has been a very dramatic shift in our society lately that has changed the way that the media portrays the sizes of women.  Between 1950 and 1990, the average hip size of a woman's mannequin went from 34 inches to 31 inches, while the average size of the actual waistline of women went from 34 to 37. Models are often several inches taller and many pounds lighter than the average female, and also many of them have a BMI within the range of anorexia. 90% of women overestimate their body size, 4 out of 5 are dissatisfied with their body size, and 80% of women say that the images that they see in the media make them feel insecure. These numbers are terrifying and are really only getting worse.

I have struggled with body image issues for quite some time. I have been highly dissatisfied with my body before, and I have struggled to change it and conform to the image of what I thought I was supposed to look like. I dieted, exercised excessively, and was extremely unhealthy. It was not a glamorous life, that is for sure. I hated myself every single time I looked in the mirror. I felt worthless, useless, and very much like a burden. Changing that way of thinking is something I still have to actively decide to do every single day. I read once that "if a mirror ever makes you sad, you should know that it does not know you.". That really, really hit home for me. The way I looked on the outside was really not who I am. There were a few other quotes that hit home for me as well:

"Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', boring', or 'cruel'? Not to me."-J.K. Rowling

"You are a soul. You are a mind. You are not fat. You have fat. You also have fingernails, but you aren't fingernails, are you? You have hair, but you aren't hair, are you? You have fat, but you are not fat. You are beautiful."

"It doesn't make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don't really see ourselves. We don't watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don't see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don't see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart. There's no mirror in your way when you're laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you. You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself."

"Take care of yourself. Do it because you love your body, not in order to love it."

All of these, especially that last one, really hit home for me. I was destroying my body and trying to get it to change in severely unproductive ways. I wasn't eating. I was hating and hurting myself which did nothing to help anyone, especially not myself. I had a lot to offer to the world, but I was hiding that while being completely absorbed in picking out the flaws in my body and setting out to change them.

Basically, I get it. I get what it's like to be disgusted with the image that you see in the mirror. I understand how much it hurts when you think of yourself as inadequate and not beautiful and worthless. Let's work on changing that. Together. The first step is changing it for yourself. Believing in yourself and your worth is a moment by moment process that involves you making a conscious decision to love yourself. It's so hard sometimes, especially when it seems that all other sources are telling you otherwise. But it is so true, and it is so worth it. You are worth more than you could ever possibly know. You are a friend and a family member and someone's reason to smile. You are absolutely over the moon wonderful. It's up to you to choose to listen to the sources that reinforce that.

Being healthy is a choice that I have been striving toward lately, and there are many reasons for that. But I won't get into them on this post. What I would like to ask of you is this: Will you join me this week? Just maybe try to change one negative thought into a positive one. Try to change one 'I am so fat' to 'My body does so many things for me, and I am thankful for it'. Just give it a try. You'll be amazed at how it begins to transform the way you think about yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in beautiful.

All my love,
-S.

Beginnings.

Beginnings have always thrilled me. I love the idea of a fresh day, untarnished space of new time, ready to be filled with whatever you so choose to fill it with. New journals are always exhilarating too. A whole book of empty pages full of promise, waiting for new poems and lists and prose and secrets. I suppose, though, one of the most enticing things about beginnings are that there isn't really a set way to begin. I could write you a poem. Or I could just jump right in with a hard-hitting piece on some big topic. But it's my choice. And that's pretty cool. I mean, sure, there are useful hints, norms that most seem to follow. But I guess I can't really get this wrong, right?

I'm very excited to begin this blog. I've had a lot of new beginnings recently, and so this seems to fit right in. I want to tell you a little about myself, and what all this blog is (hopefully!) going to be!

My name is Sarah. I am a sophomore at Appalachian State, and I wouldn't trade my life for anything! I am just about as messy as they come and goodness knows I have messed up more than my fair share. But I am saved by grace and a God who never gives up on me, even when I feel like I'm literally running in the opposite direction. I am really into fitness (this is a recent development, friends, so I am still learning!), dancing, music, photography, owls, nutella, and poetry! I am an Elementary Education major with a double minor in Special Education and English. I'm also an aspiring writer, so what better way to practice than by blogging, right? I have had a different blog for a while now, but like I said, I love beginnings. Right now, it's just time for a fresh start in my life.

I'm not really quite sure what else to tell you! I'm in the middle of some big changes in my life, and I am an avid supporter of being who you are. And knowing that the definition of you may very well change over and over and over. And that's okay. If there is anything that I have learned in my short 19 years of leaving fingerprints on this planet, and if you never hear anything else that I have to say, please remember this: You are under no obligation to be the same person that you were five minutes ago. Always chase your dreams, do something that matters, and remember that love always wins. Life is about stringing together the little things and making them count for more than the bad stuff, and never be afraid of being brave enough to start over.

Our time here is limited, but let's make it beautiful. Will you join me?

All my love,
-S.