Clearly, I am not great at keeping a consistent string of posts on this blog. It is fun, however, to look back on old posts and see how I have grown and changed through the past. I am going to try to be better about keeping up with this, but there are really no guarantees. I'm learning to be okay with that, though, and to accept that sometimes, some effort is enough.
I turned 22 a week ago. So, clearly, the past few days have been spent eating far too much, celebrating with many of the greatest people, laughing a lot, and listening to Taylor Swift on repeat. It's been pretty much perfect. But birthdays always make me think, too. I think about the past year and what I've learned. I think about the year to come and what I want it to look like when 365 more days have passed. I love/cringe when I look back to goals I set and things I thought I knew when I wrote posts at age 15 (my first Taylor Swift year, I might add). I like to think that at 29, I'll have the same reaction to things I will write now. So, here it is: 22 Things I'm Learning at Age 22.
1. Change is hard. Growing is hard. My 21st year brought many big moments in my little corner of the world. I wrapped up my final year living in Boone as a student at Appalachian and moved back home, I watched my sister graduate from high school, I made it through my Block 2 semester while working, and I completed and passed my licensure exams. I lived 294 days without my sweet Nana. I had my heart shattered. I'm slowly but surely learning that becoming the person that I am meant to be involves being uncomfortable. I'm also learning how to lean into that discomfort. I am not great at this yet, but I don't know too many people that are. I'm learning to accept heartbreak as a vital part of the human experience. Without experiencing heartbreak, you have no way to connect with those who are experiencing the same thing. Empathy, both the giving and receiving of, is one of the most treasured parts of being human. So though I would give anything to be able to hear Nana crack another joke, or wish that circumstances had been less of a challenge at certain times, I know for a fact that I have grown. I have proven to myself that I, too, am capable of making it through the tough stuff.
2. Loving people is worth it. Every single second of every single day. Even, and especially, when it is hard and when it hurts. Loving people is the hardest thing that I've signed up to do. Love brings with it vulnerability and a wide open space for potential hurt. But it is worth it. The sweetest connections involve true and unconditional love. People are flawed. We mess up and we hurt one another. But we are also capable of so much good. We can hug and wipe away tears. We can pray when our words are simply not the comfort that is needed. When we let people in and embrace each other in the mountains and in the valleys, we connect. We see our value. We truly live out the human experience. Love is digging in when the going gets tough. It is refusing to leave someones' side just because that would be the easy thing to do. Love is showing up, day after day, knowing that the fact that the person in front of you is human makes them worthy of that love. Yes, truly loving people is hard. But the sweetness far outweighs the consequences.
3. Prepare your lunches on Sundays. Meal prep has saved my mornings from being quite so frazzled, which also means that my mood is significantly improved. My nutrition is also improved as I do not have to rush and make a PB&J for the fifth day in a row. I think that this extends beyond just meal preparation, though. I'm learning that completing tasks up front rather than procrastinating is a much more effective way to live life. My stress level is significantly lower when I front-load, anyway.
4. Even so, it is well with my soul. This song was sung at my grandmother's funeral. It's always been one of my favorites, but in that moment, I truly listened to what was being said.
"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul."
I'm learning that life is going to knock me down. This song was written after the composer had lost his young son to illness, his real estate investments in the Great Chicago Fire, and his 4 daughters on a boat trip to Europe. My struggles seem so insignificant compared to these. I'm learning to let these words seep into the deepest parts of me and to live truly knowing that in peace or in sorrow, it is well.
5. Celebrate the small stuff. It is completely valid to celebrate today because it is Tuesday and on Sunday you didn't see yourself getting past Monday. Celebrate the little holidays that fill almost every calendar day now. Friend's birthday? Make some cupcakes and a card. First day of football season? Have people over and make a Superbowl Party Test-Run. Life is so short. Do something you enjoy. Embrace those around you. Celebrate whenever the opportunity arises. I've never been sadder because I chose to celebrate something.
6. Always compliment people. Have you told a stranger that you liked their smile or the way they had styled their hair? People just light up. I love that more than anything. We're so used to living in a world where we look down and go about our own business and want it to go as quickly as possible, so we interact less and less with those around us. It's so sad. Some of the coolest stories I have heard have been people who were in front of me in line at the grocery store, or waiting for their drink at Starbucks. People have amazing stories, and you'll only hear them if you take the time to ask. Compliments are a way to brighten someone's day. You never know, they could have needed to hear something positive far more than you realize.
7. The crockpot is magic. Seriously. I put a few ingredients in first thing in the morning, leave for the entire day, and come back to a meal. I'm thankful for that.
8. This poem:
"Some days in this life, you are the tracks
that lead off to some mysterious and
wonderful distance. Some days, you are the
train, strong and filled with purpose and
fire and the promise of a destination.
Some days, my friends, you will be the coins
and on those days, when the weight of the
world is about to run you over and the
tracks feel like they are frozen and silent,
just remember... soon, someone will run to
the tracks, ignore the distance they lead to,
forget the sound of the train that passed,
and search frantically for your transformed
self, shining and smooth.
They will pick you up, they will hold you
forever, and when age catches up to them,
it won't be the train or the tracks they
will remember, it will be you, the coin."
- Tyler Knott Gregson
9. Send snail mail. It is a dying form of communication that desperately needs to be revived. Receiving a letter is one of the greatest feelings. Knowing that someone took the time to craft words with their hands, fold it into an envelope, and send it your way is incredibly special. I keep every letter that I get. I feel like I am holding people a little closer that way, even though the closeness may not be physical. It is worth it all.
10. "Have courage and be kind". I am learning from Cinderella how my goals in life do not need to be embellished or hidden in poetic wording. In my life, I hope to have courage and to be kind. I think that's enough.
11. Show up for people. Go to the parties that they host. Go to the event they planned for their company. See their concerts, their class performances at PTO nights, their presentations, their art gallery showings. Walk in the door when they are sure that no one is coming. I have never once regretted showing up for someone. It is what you do for those that you care for. You show up. When they look at you, let their own worth reflect back at them.
12. Be where your feet are. I had heard this forever, but I'm learning it more in this time of transitioning. It is so easy for me to focus on the past or the future, as I feel like I am somewhere in between the two, but isn't that how life always is? I'm learning to pull back and be where I am. I notice more smiles. I give more freely. I laugh more. I stress less. Being where your feet are means turning off the cell phones, disconnecting for a while, and enjoying the moment for what it is.
13. Be vulnerable. Open up, even when it is scary and may hurt. Allow others in. Be there for others when they let you in. Vulnerability is the key to many things vital to our world. Just listen to Brene Brown: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
14. If you know something in your gut, listen. My gut has very rarely steered me wrong. My over-thinking brain, however, is another story. I'm realizing that the more I pray over something, the more I get that gut feeling. I believe that is God, and I believe that He most definitely knows what is best for me.
15. Learn to accept compliments. Nothing is worse than getting a compliment brushed off by the person you are trying to give it to. Don't deprive someone of the joy of giving a compliment by reputing it. Simply say "Thank you!" And accept the good that someone is trying to do.
16. You define what it means to be you. No one else gets a say in that. You decide what to value, what direction you are going to take, what impact you will have. People may not like your choices, they may disagree, they may walk away. But the idea they have of you is based off of their decisions for themselves, which you do not have to answer to. You may decide one thing today, and change your mind tomorrow. And that is okay. You are under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago. You may adapt a million times before you think you're gotten it right, and you may have to adapt a million more once you decide that isn't for you, anyway. There's so much beauty and possibility in that.
17. Invest time wisely. Time is one of very few resources that you never get back. Invest it in the best way you can. I used to think that this meant that I always needed to be on the go, always being productive with my time. I'm learning more that a Sunday afternoon nap can be a wise use of time, too.
18. There's a Harry Potter quote for everything. "Words are, in my not so humble opinion, are our most inexhaustible form of magic."
19. Heartbreak makes you all the more human. Heartbreak reminds us that we aren't invincible. That we aren't made for this world. When your heart breaks, you learn a lot about yourself. How you heal. Your incredible amount of strength. Who in your life will stand by you in the valley. That time truly is the only fix. But more than anything, heartbreaks affirm your ability to feel, and to feel deeply. And what is the point of all of this if not to experience life to the fullest extent possible? The depth of pain will one day be matched with mountain-top joy. And you will know that you were the one who picked yourself up off of the floor and pieced yourself back together. No one will be able to take that from you. You will be able to help others find that strength in themselves when they face similar situations.
20. Making a difference is the greatest feeling. It doesn't matter if it is one person on one day, or a large group over a lifetime. We all have the ability to choose to do things to help others and to thus better the world. Helping other people see themselves with the value and worth that I see in them gives me more joy than anything else in this world. It doesn't take much to make a large impact.
21. Coffee is perfect. In all forms. At all times of day. In any cup. Hot or cold. Coffee is perfect. Ask Lorelai Gilmore. (Another mantra for my life).
22. And if not, He is still good. I'm in a time of transition. I have one more semester of student teaching, and then I will be in search of my first teaching job. I do not know where or when this will happen, all I know is that there is a plan in place. There are many things that I wish would happen now. Things that I've prayed for incessantly, things I feel are in line with what I'm supposed to do and who I am supposed to be. I'm learning that, if none of these things happen, He is still good. If I get a teaching job at a good school, great! If not, He is still good. If I find a job in a place that I want to live, great! If not, He is still good. If I find life-long friends, great! If not, He is still good. If you get nothing else from my list of lessons I'm learning, I hope that this last one sticks: He is good.
I'm thankful for everyone who has gotten me here, and I look forward to where I'm headed next. Here's to 22!
-S.
